


Paranoia; Karma's Older Bitchier Sister

by SlitheredFromEden



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Dan and Eddie become bffs, Dan is a Richie Tozier stan, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, His stand up special gets referenced a lot, Lucifer is paranoid af in this one, M/M, Richie Tozier is a Good Boyfriend, Richie is basically Gay John Mulaney, so is Ella..
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2020-11-22 03:55:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20867786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlitheredFromEden/pseuds/SlitheredFromEden
Summary: LUCIFER/IT CHAPTER TWO CROSSOVERAfter barely escaping from the clutches of an evil demon clown, confessing his feeling to his best friend, divorcing his wife, and moving to LA with his now boyfriend Eddie's life should be smooth sailing, right? Nope, now working with the LAPD as a crime and intelligence analyst his stress levels are through the fucking roof. Not to mention, the British guy who thinks himself as the devil keeps giving him weird looks. Basically, Eddie's new life in LA is a lot more eventful than he would've liked.akaThere's something off  about the new guy that works in the precinct. He's immune to Lucifer in the same way Chloe is. He wouldn't be Lucifer Morningstar if he didn't find out what he is and what he wants. Lucifer already has a sneaking suspicion that his dad is involved.





	1. New In Town

Eddie's grip on his messenger bag tightened as stepped inside of the precinct. His eyes immediately scanning the room. The sanitation wasn't great, but it was tolerable. He could already pick up on certain spots that could use a good wipe down. Eddie had to fight his hand from reaching into his bag and pulling out a few sanitary wipes. 

"Hi, are you the new guy?" a feminine voice pulled his attention away from the dirty breakfast table. "Chloe mentioned a new guy coming in, but I didn't think it would be so soon,"

"Uh, yeah, I'm Eddie Kaspbrak," He extended his hand. 

"Ella, Ella Lopez," The woman ignored his hand and pulled him in for a hug. "It's so nice to meet you,"

"Uh, likewise?" 

The woman, Ella, pulled away after what felt like an eternity, "I take it you already met Chief Redford,"

"I did-"

"Good, let me introduce you to the cool kids in the precinct," Ella gestured to him to follow him. Which he begrudgingly did.

They rounded the next two corners before they came to a dead stop at a desk with two people leaning over a case file. 

"I'm telling you he is our guy," said the man.

"I don't know.." replied the woman. "My instinct is telling me otherwise,"

"Guys, this is Eddie. The new guy," Ella said cheerfully. "Eddie this is detective Chloe Decker and detective Dan Espinoza ,"

Eddie shook both of their hands, "Hi,"

"Did Ella terrorize you enough with kindness today, man?" Dan laughed.

"Shut up, Daniel," Ella pulled what looked like it was supposed to be an angry face but looked like his and Richie's Pomeranian when it wanted attention. 

"Have you worked in a precinct before, Eddie?" Chloe asked.

"No, I worked at at company in New York as a risk analyst for about sixteen years," Eddie answered proudly. He wondered how old these detectives were. 

Dan let out a low whistle. "Talk about commitment,"

"Isn't a job a company a little different from a police precinct?" Chloe raised at brow at him. Eddie shivered, she reminded too much of Beverley.

"Criminal activity is criminal activity," He replied confidently. He'll be damned if they think they can discredit his experience. "Trust me, I'm good at my job,"

Chloe didn't say anything, just stared him. No, Eddie realized, she was looking way past him. Her mind obviously went somewhere else. It was odd but not the strangest thing he's seen. He took that as his cue to leave and find his office. Praying that it isn't crammed between to loud ones. Or worse a joint office. 

His office was a decent distance from everyone else's, but it was the one closest to Ella's lab. And as he discovered pretty quickly, everyone loved Ella. Having to hear every conversation she has with every single person that walks past her is starting to get really old, but Eddie promised himself he would watch his temper. Plus, Ella was sweet and she didn't deserve his anger. That was usually reserved for Richie. 

About two and a half hours passed, a loud knock sounded on his door. 

"Yes?" 

Ella's head poked through, "Dude Lucifer just bought a bunch of pizza. Come get a slice before it's all gone," 

Eddie tried not to make a face at the name 'Lucifer.' This is LA, Richie explained to him once he got here, strange people are everywhere and re-branding is a thing. He smiled politely, "I'll pass thank you,"

"Don't be shy," she urged. "Lucifer's like the most generous person ever,"

"I don't really eat pizza," Eddie tried, rubbing his temples. 

"Bullshit, dude, everyone does,"

"Well, not me," 

Ella looked genuinely upset at his response, "As long as you're sure,"

"I am,"

"Okay," Ella retracted herself from his door frame and shut the door after herself. Eddie let out a loud sigh. He got up to follow her, but his phone rang. He checked caller ID it was Richie.

"Hey, Rich," he answered. 

"Eds! Babe! How's your first day on the job?" 

Eddie couldn't help but grin at his boyfriend's voice. "Don't call me that, asshole. It's been mediocre. Not too bad,"

"Then why do you sound like you've been screaming into a pillow?"

"What the fuck does that even mean, dumbass?" Eddie rolled his eyes.

"Ya know, like, tired," 

"That's what having a real job does to a person, Richard, it makes them tired," 

"Aw, you're adorable when you're cranky. I wanna Face-Time you so I can see you pout,"

"Richie, I'm at work-" It was too late Eddie's phone screen changed into an incoming Face-Time call from Richie. He reluctantly accepted it, "You happy now?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely, babe," Richie laughed. "Put me on your desk, I want to tell you about some shit someone DM'ed on Twitter."

Eddie supported his phone against two books, so Richie can see him properly and he could get some work done. "Okay, but it better be about how teens are 'thirsting' after you,"

"Oh, Eds, are you jealous of internet teens?"

"Shut the fuck up, Richie," Eddie hissed. "Tell me, what did they say?"

"Apparently, according to a large amount of people I'm not actually gay, and I did that coming out special to 'Queer Bait' the internet. So, I've been labeled homophobic and there's going to be a #RichieTozierIsOver Party around noon tomorrow," Despite what he was saying, Richie's smile only grew with every other word. Looking like an absolute madman by the end of it.

"Okaaay, why are you smiling?" Eddie eyed him. 

"Because, babe, I think this is a great opportunity to release a sex tape,"

"Fuck you, Richie, I'm hanging up," Eddie reached to pick up his phone. 

"Eds, honey, I was joking, please don't hang up!"

"Fine," He dropped his hand.

"What I was thinking I could join the party on Twitter and start screwing with people's tweets." Richie paused suspiciously. "Using your Twitter account."

Eddie shook his head, "Fuck no. Not after the shit you pulled with my Instagram,"

"Really, Eds? That was months ago!" 

"I'm still being spammed by people who actually hate you, Richie! I don't enjoy reading hate as much as you do,"

"Aw, babe," Richie purred. "They'll be a lot more of the hate all over internet tomorrow. There's no escaping it. What we can do is piss some people off,"

"Okay, you can use my account. As long as monitor what you post,"

"You're the best, Eddie!"

"Of course, Richie, nobody threatens to ruin the career of my man. How else would you buy me nice things?"

"Damn, you're really with me for my wallet," Richie pouted. 

"Damn right, sweetheart," Eddie smirked playfully.

"Love you, Eds," 

Eddie smiled fondly, he remembers when that nickname used to infuriate him, "Love you, too,"

"Knock knock," a British accent said, as the door to his office opened. "Oh, deary me I do hope I'm interrupting something interesting. I do miss interesting, it was starting to get awfully dull around here,"

"Who the fuck are you?" Eddie snapped.

"I'm Lucifer Morningstar. Pleasure to meet me, I know," Lucifer straightened out his suit jacket. So this the guy Ella mentioned earlier, Eddie thought to himself. 

"Did he just say Lucifer Morningstar?" Richie asked.

"I'll call you back," Eddie rushed out and ended the call. He turned to Lucifer, "What do you want?"

"Nothing," Lucifer walked over to bis desk and picked up one of the files Eddie was working on, "Just wanted to know who this Eddie was Miss Lopez kept mentioning,"

Eddie took it away, "You've seen me, now can you go?"

Lucifer ignored him and picked up the framed picture of him, Richie, and their dog during their quick trip to Miami for Mike's forty first birthday. "Cute family,"

Eddie snatched the picture away, hugging it to his chest. "Stop touching my stuff,"

"Aren't you a small spitfire?" The man's smile was all teeth; wolfish.

"Who are you calling small, dipshit?" Eddie snapped."I'm the height of the average man,"

Eddie almost popped a vessel when Lucifer laughed, "I like you, Edward."

"Well, the feeling isn't mutual." 

"Lucifer, leave the man alone." Chloe joined them in his office.

"Is there a party going on in here?" Ella invited herself in. "I heard voices."

Eddie eyed the pizza she was eating sloppily, praying to whatever was up there that she doesn't drip grease on the carpet. 

"No, no party," Eddie gritted out. "Just a bunch of people overcrowding my office space."

"Lucifer, we have a case. Enough harassing Eddie,"

"I don't know, Detective. I want to see how angry he can get,"

That's it, Eddie had enough of this dude.

"Listen here, motherfucker, I don't take shit coming from anybody. Especially not a person that goes by Lucifer," Eddie poked him in the chest. "Understand?"

Lucifer looked surprised at that, but it melted away into an amused smirk, "Why are you so angry, Edward? You can tell Dr. Morningstar. Don't be scared, tell me, what do you truly desire?"

Eddie stared blankly at him, angry still simmering beneath his skin. "Is this some sort of mental game? You really think you're funny? Ha ha, bitch, there you earned a laugh,"

Now he looked really surprised, "Another one is is immune to me.."

"Immune to you? To what exactly?" Eddie paused, then laughed. "Was that supposed to be a pick up line?"

"No, it's a thing. It's my thing," Lucifer sounded like a broken record. 

Eddie continued to laugh, he couldn't wait to tell Richie about this.

"Who sent you? Was it dear old dad?" Lucifer's eyes hardened as he towered above Eddie. "Well, tell him I'm not going back!"

"What? I wasn't sent by anybody," Eddie furrowed his brows. "I don't know who your dad is,"

"Trust me, everyone does-"

"If you're done embarrassing yourself," Chloe directed at Lucifer, cutting him off. "We have a case to solve,"

"Detective this could be you know what all over again," Lucifer stage whispered over to Chloe. 

Chloe looked as if she was contemplating between saying something or not; she chose not.

Eddie looked over to Ella for an explanation, but she looked just as startled as he felt. 

Chloe dragged Lucifer out of his office. Ella gave him a sympathetic smile and followed them. Eddie flopped into his chair not bothering to shut the door behind them. Man, Eddie thought, why does weird shit keep happening. He looked down at the picture he forgot he was clutching close to his chest. The glass was slightly cracked. Eddie traced the cracks with his finger, his mind wandering over to Richie. Oh how Eddie would do anything to be with him right now.

A knock sounded off on his door, Eddie faced it. It was Dan.

"Come in, everyone else just does," Eddie gestured at him. "What do you want?"

"Chloe told me to come here," Dan admitted. "She wants to me tell you Lucifer isn't usually like this,"

"He isn't?"

"He totally fucking is," Dan let out a humorless laugh. "I'm going to be honest with you.. I can't stand the guy. He's impulsive, reckless, narcissistic, and the physical embodiment of daddy issues,"

"That's, uh, something I guess," 

"And he thinks he's the actual Devil," Dan mentioned casually.

Eddie waited for him to say he's joking. It never came, "You're serious?"

"Yup,"

"Huh," was all Eddie could manage to get out.

"But my daughter admires the guy, so I have to deal with him," Dan shrugged. 

They sat in awkward silence for a moment.

"So did you really go off on him?" Dan smiled wickedly, it reminded him of Bev's. 

"Yeah, I don't think it'll be the last time either,"

"It better not be," Dan laughed. "I'm going to make sure I record it next time, so I can show it to his brother,"

Eddie felt himself pale, "He has a brother?"

"Don't worry Amenadiel is nothing like Lucifer," Dan assured him. "You'll like him,"

Eddie wondered why Dan was talking as if he'll ever meet Amenadiel...

"We'll I have to chase them over to a crime scene, I'll catch with you later," Dan didn't wait for a reply from Eddie and rushed out of the office.

Eddie pulled out his phone and opened up the group chat group chat Richie made moths ago, and sent a message:

**Losers Leveled Up**

**ShortFuse:** My job is filled with weirdos

**AnotherJohnMulaney**: EEEEDDDIIIIEEE why'd u hang up on me?

**StanFORDgrad:** Weirdos how?

**BillDennys:** Are they Richie fans?

**AnotherJohnMulaney:** my fans arent weird

**NotUrBev: **Yes the fuck they are

**MikeDennys:** Eddie

**MikeDennys**: Weirdos how?

**ShortFuse:** There's a guy named Lucifer and he's really strange

**Shortfuse:** He thinks hes the actual devil

**ShortFuse:** and he called me small 

**AnotherJohnMulaney:** I'll kick his ass babe

**StanFORDgrad: **Wait, what?

**ShortFuse:** yeah, but then this guy named Dan told me he's a jackass with daddy issues

**AnotherJohnMulaney:** Your job is a lot more interesting than I though it would be

**ByeByeBen:** He works in a police station and you thought it would be boring?

**AnotherJohnMulaney: **STFU BEN 

**BillDenny:** Whos the other weirdo?

**ShortFuse:** Some girl named Ella.. she's super friendly its almost scary 

**MikeDennys**: You're 40 Eddie 

**MikeDennys:** You'll be safe from a friendly girl

**StanFORDgrad:** yeah what Mike said

**ShortFuse:** fuck you guys

**ByeByeBen:** dont think Rich would like that

**AnotherJohnMulaney**: damn gay I woulnt


	2. Eddie Needs Space (and Lucifer out of his face)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for your kind words and extreme patience !! I hope you enjoy this update !!!

The following day, Eddie heard the unmistakable sound of Richie's voice as he passed Ella's lab. He took a quick step back and peaked into her open door to see her and Dan hunched over laughing at the laptop screen sitting right in front of them. Eddie figured it must be clips of Richie's most recent show.

"I love my boyfriend Eds, I really do," Video Richie said. "But there are times when I wish he would just calm down, ya know? Everything riles that man up. Every single thing. I tried cooking breakfast for his birthday once, instead of a thank you he lectured me on how to scramble eggs properly."

Eddie laughed at the memory, he did thank Richie for the coffee though.

"Yeah, I get lectured on a daily basis now," Video Richie continued. "Have you guys have ever been lectured during sex? No? You need to try it out. But the small downfall to all of these sex lectures is that all types of lectures turn me on now. I know, I know that is a major problem, because as a dumbass I get lectured a lot. I could be getting lectured on the difference between parfaits and yogurt, then BAM, sudden daydream sequence of me sucking Eds’ dick right in the middle of the aisle. I could be in a meeting getting lectured by my manager, and suddenly I’m transported into our bedroom sucking the love of life’s dick, or when I’m being lectured by a doctor to eat right, a manifested version of my boo is there sucking me off in the middle of the examination room,"

Ella burst out laughing, "Is that weird I find that romantic?"

"I’m not entirely sure," Dan managed between his out fits of laughter. 

"Love makes you do crazy shit, but not all crazy shit is horny," Video Richie continued. "I'll bend over backwards for my boyfriend's crazy ass. I really spend my entire time with Eds trying to get his attention like I’m afraid he’ll look at anyone else for too long. What can I say? I’m a needy little bitch who is always seeking validation from my S.O. I really don’t have fight for his attention since we’re the only ones who can tolerate each other for long periods of time. Our other friends have long since abandoned the idea of having to deal with us being in the same room together." 

The audience laughed at that bit. 

"Not that we’re fucking each other in front of them, we just get carried away bickering at each other... Which almost always ends in sex. According to our friend Stan 'we have the sexual frustration of forty- year-old nuns' which technically isn’t too far off. But I waited so long for this type of shit, so I’ll take what I can get. Like we’re at the point of our relationship where he'll allow me to kiss him before brushing my teeth. That's not just every morning, it's between every meal of the day. I have the clearance to kiss him whenever I please. Unless I'm sick, he's sick, when he's angry at me, when he's sleepy, or when the dog needs to shit... Coming to think of it, I don't really have all that much clearance, but I won't have it any other way," 

"His boyfriend must be lucky to have someone that loves him so much," Ella sighed. "I need a love like that,"

Eddie laughed at that, he is lucky. But, so is Richie because Eddie knows Richie can't do better than him. 

"Are you a fan, too?" Ella asked him excitedly, noticing him at her doorframe.

"Me? Not really," Eddie said with a small shrug, taking a small step into her lab. Video Richie was now doing his 'Boyfriend's Homophobic Dog' bit. "He's kinda funny though,"

"He's the best," Dan disagreed. "Man, what I'd do to see one of his live shows. His tickets always sell out."

"We could ask Lucifer," Ella suggested. "He knows everyone in LA,"

"He knows every shady person in LA," Dan corrected. "I don't think Tozier qualifies as Lucifer's usual brand of contacts,"

Eddie's lips pressed together, did Richie know Lucifer? Richie didn't mention a thing when he brought up the name in the group chat or in person when he went home.

"I'll ask Lucifer," Ella announced. "There's no harm in asking."

"Ask Lucifer what?" Lucifer's face was suddenly in the door frame, where Eddie was just standing.

"Do you know Richie Tozier?" Ella asked.

"No, Miss Lopez, I can't say I do," Lucifer answered after a while. "Isn't he the man that young Beatrice watches on the YouTube?"

"She does what now?" Dan gawked. 

Lucifer ignored Dan and strolled over to the laptop. The video was still playing, "and I’m telling you that this dog, that I adopted, fucking hates my guts. Taking a shit in my vans three times in a row is not an accident! That’s a repeat crime! My boyfriend’s dog is a repeat offender who isn’t even creative, and I say double jail time to that," 

"He does look eerily familiar. Maybe I have come across of him," Lucifer commented. 

Eddie felt his heart stop, he’ll be fucked if Lucifer recognizes Richie from the picture on his desk. It isn't as if Eddie was ashamed of dating him, it was the opposite: he was proud and wanted to scream it on the top of his lungs to anyone that would be within hearing range. However, in order to keep his personal life private, some things needed to stay hidden. 

"How long have you known?" Dan pressed. 

"Don't be such a prude, Daniel, she should be getting accustomed to mature language." Lucifer answered him, his eyes glued to the screen. 

"I'm her dad, Lucifer, not you," Dan rubbed his temples. "I need to have a talk with her and Chloe."

"Ah the detective doesn't know. I promised Trixie I wouldn't tell her," Lucifer said then laughed at video Richie’s punchline. "This man is something else," 

"I can’t believe you allowed Trixie-"

"Daniel, Trixie enjoys this man’s material. You should be glad you and her share something in common. In fact you should be thanking me for not ruining this bond by telling Chloe,"

"I’ll just go..." Eddie’s voice trailed off.

"Oh, Edward, wait," Lucifer called after him. "Chloe really wants me to apologize for the other day, even though I still believe-"

"Stop right there, dickwad," Eddie turned around, interrupting him. "I don’t care about what Chloe wants you to do. If you’re going to apologize for some shit you did, apologize because you want to. Understood?"

Eddie didn’t wait for a reply and stalked over to his office and shutting the door after himself. 

"It really sucks that you and Eddie can't get along," Eddie heard Ella say through the thin walls of his office, "I really thought you guys would be fast friends by now,"

"Eddie has some common sense to stay away from Lucifer," Dan chimed in. "I'm just glad I'm not the only one who calls you out on your bullshit anymore."

"Enough of your voice, Daniel, you're starting to give a migraine," Lucifer scoffed.

"Whatever, man, I have job to do and a daughter to call,"

After that, Eddie stopped listening. He picked up a file that was placed onto his desk with a post-it note attached to it that read: Can theorize when and where the next hit might be? -Chloe Decker

Of course Eddie could, that was his job after all. He looked through the casework following the patterns of the three murders that happened in the past three days. Each crime happened a day apart, all male, similar features; Caucasian, and a few miles apart. Precisely 2.5 miles moving south from each crime scene. Eddie pulled up a general map of Los Angeles and his calculations lead him to Inglewood. He wasted no time jumping out of seat to find Chloe. Eddie did find her, she unfortunately for Eddie, was accompanied with Lucifer. Were those two always together?

"Detective Decker," Eddie addressed her he took a few steps closer. "The next victim is going to be in the Inglewood area. Near west Florence Ave.

“Thanks, Eddie, I’m on it. C’mon Lucifer, go start up the car I need to talk to Eddie,” Chloe stood, gesturing for him to leave.

“Detective should I be worried?” Lucifer smirked. “Are you choosing Edward here over me?”

“Go, Lucifer,” she rolled her eyes.

Lucifer left with on last glance over his shoulder. Chloe turned to Eddie with an awkward smile, “Lucifer told me what happened when I sent him over earlier, and I agree with you. He should apologize on his account and free will,”

“Glad we agree,” Eddie said after a while.

“I’m just so used to forcing him to face the consequences of his actions that I forgot how insincere that will make him look, but he is a good man,”

Eddie understood where Chloe was coming from dealing with Richie. More times than not Richie would say something without thinking and it would take Eddie nagging to him about it for him to see the error of his ways. But Eddie never forced Richie to apologize for something that he messed up on, he’d help him see how it was wrong so he could make his own decisions. He always ends up making the right ones.

“I don’t doubt he is what you say is, Chloe,” Eddie tells her. “But sometimes even good men overstep, besides we’re all adults here. What happened had happened I’m not even upset just annoyed,”

“I get it, I really do,” She nodded. “Eddie, listen, you seem like a very good person. I want you to know a lot has happened in the past few years in this precinct regarding me, and you’re going to hear about it from somebody sooner or later. I’m just asking that you come to me if you want to hear about it straight the source,”

“Okay?” Eddie looked at her strangely, wondering what she is trying to say. Eddie was curious about why Chloe would think he would interested in any form of gossip like this was a high school cafeteria. But something in her tone suggested to him that this was so much more than gossip.

It had been about an hour and a half since Chloe and Lucifer walked out of the precinct to stake out around Inglewood, and Eddie was receiving radio silence. He quickly checked his phone for messages; he had three from Richie and one from Beverly.

**Richie**: babe

**Richie**: I was looking into Lucifer Morningstar

**Richie**: never met the man but I did hear about him a few years ago ... he owns a nightclub

**Eddie**: what were you doing in a nightclub?

**Richie**: at 35? I was nowhere near one babe u can rest easy

Eddie shook his head and opened Beverly’s message

**Bev**: Can you get me one of those police passes so I can speed? Xoxo

**Eddie**: I would expect this from Rich and not you

**Bev**: gotta shoot my shot

**Bev**: soooooooooooooooooo?

**Eddie**: I’m not an officer

**Eddie**: so no

“Uh, Eddie?” Ella poked her head into his office. “Wanna go grab lunch? I usually go with Dan, but he was called to his daughter’s school.”

“Sure,” Eddie shoved his phone in his pocket and grabbed his jacket. “Where to?”

Ella takes Eddie to a small café two blocks from the precinct. It was cute and clean, so it was Eddie Kaspbrak approved.

“So,” Ella said as they waited for their orders to complete. “What are you like outside of work?”

“There isn’t much to my life,” Eddie replied. “It’s only me and boyfriend,”

“How long have you two been together?”

“Too long,” Eddie replied with a chuckle.

“I love love,” she sighed. “There is something about sharing your life with someone who you can’t live without, ya know? Very intimate and real,”

There is so much about Ella that reminded Eddie of Ben; hopeless romantics with too much heart. Maybe one day he’ll have them meet.

“Turkey sub with extra bacon and a caramel iced coffee!” the barista called out.

“Oooh, that’s me,” Ella cheered.

“A ham and cheese with a lemonade!”

“Thanks,” Eddie took his order after dropping a ten in the tip jar.

Ella insisted that they ate outside of the café, and it was a great idea. The weather was great, and Ella maybe one of the first people who can carry a rapid conversation with Eddie other than Richie. Eddie soon concluded that she maybe his favorite person at this job.

“We should head back,” Eddie suggested.

“Aw man,” she groaned. “Tomorrow we should do this with Dan. He has this thing he does where he can always guess what people are about to order and he’s almost always right It helps pass the time and keep our minds off of work,”

Eddie and Ella return to the station, and they can hear a loud conversation coming from the center of it. They reached the source and it was no other than Stanley Uris in his lawyer attire ready to tear the whole place down.

"My client has an alibi for the time of death," Stan said sternly to Chloe and Dan.

"We found traces of his DNA on the victim-" Dan tried.

"I'm not denying the fact that they knew each other, in fact they knew each other well," Stan was standing, slightly towering above Dan. "I'm letting you know that my client was all the way on the other side of LA when Jeffrey Stalin was shot," 

"We understand-" Chloe stepped forward.

"No, I don't think you do," Stan interrupted her. "Unless you find an explanation of how my client was at an ATM withdrawing three hundred dollars on camera around the time of death and still managed to shoot the victim at the same time, let me know,”

“Mr. Uris, if we can only question Mr. Henderson,”

“There’s noting to question, detective, as I stated earlier you guys need plausible and undisputed evidence to even consider my client as a suspect,” Stan said. “Can’t you see that my client is distraught that his boyfriend was murdered? Give him sometime to grieve as you aimlessly collect evidence on my client while you should be seeking out the real criminal,”

“Mr. Urine,” Lucifer stepped up. “Why don’t we have a little chat,”

“Lucifer,” Chloe pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Pardon me?” Stan turned to face Lucifer.

“As you can see, Mr. Urine—"

“It’s Uris,” Eddie hissed. “Its’s Uris,”

“Eddie, I was wondering when I would see you,” Stan grinned.

“You two know each other?” Dan pointed between the two of them.

“Yeah, we do,” Eddie replied. “Childhood friends,”

“I wasn’t aware mortals kept the friendships they acquired as children…” Lucifer mused. “Interesting,”

Eddie shared a look with Stan that said, ‘See, I told you weird,’

Stan returned a look that translated to, ‘I can see that, but holy shit you’re right,’

“I’ll be leaving,” Stan gestured over to his client. “You have my card if you think you found any evidence that can incriminate my client. Eddie, you should come over. Patty keeps asking for your lemon pie,”

“Anything for her and Stanley Jr. number two,” Eddie hugged his friend. “I’ll message as you as our schedules clear up,”

Chloe, Lucifer, and Dan crowded Eddie as soon as Stan was out of sight, “What do you guys want?”

“You can convince him to let us speak to his client, right?” Dan asked.

“I can’t do that,” Eddie took a step back. “There’s nobody more stubborn than Stan when it comes to upholding the law, and aren’t there proper procedures you have to take?”

“I know he’s your friend, Eddie, but his client is not innocent,” Chloe told him. “I just know it,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking maybe Lucifer's POV next chapter.....
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	3. Detective Lucifer is on the Case

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter my sweets!

Lucifer knew that Edward wasn’t what he appeared to be. He was immune to Lucifer’s power and that caused great concern. He isn’t going to let another other worldly being walk into the precinct, or rather his life, and cause mayhem. Chloe told him that he was overthinking the entire situation. The detective believed that Edward was just another “normal guy.” Lucifer’s gut feeling screamed otherwise.

He couldn’t comprehend how she would think that after their track record with people coming into their lives being more than what they appear to be on the outside; Charlotte Richards being possessed by his mother and Marcus being Cain. Lucifer had every right to be protective because he had no idea what Edward’s true intentions could be. 

"You’ve been quiet since you got here," Linda spoke softly, bringing him back to the reality of her office. "What’s on your mind?"

"Edward, Linda, all I can think of is Edward," 

"Didn’t peg you for a Twilight fan," Linda laughed, mostly to herself. 

"Twi-what? You aren't taking this seriously, Linda, the precinct’s newest addition. He’s immune to me," 

"We’ve been over this, Lucifer, not everyone will flirt back at you," 

"Is that a challenge, Doctor?" Lucifer smirked. "Alas, no, this is not about my charms. It is about my powers,"

"So this Edward is immune to the desire thing? Like Chloe?"

"Precisely like Chloe," Lucifer leaned back pulling out a small flask from his suit pocket. "There has to be an explanation. Maybe divine intervention? Why would my father send Edward? What is he punishing me for?"

“So this is about punishment?”

“Yes, the everlasting motif of my live,” Lucifer sighed dramatically.

"So," Linda crossed her legs. "Are you afraid of this Edward being able to harm you or of what he may represent in terms of your father’s presence in your life?"

"Afraid?" Lucifer laughed humorlessly. "I'm not afraid, Doctor, I'm angry. After all I've been through, there's always more to throw at the Devil. I suppose what they say is true; there is no rest for the wicked,"

"I understand your frustration," she begun. "Well, not exactly, but Lucifer we can't jump into things because we feel targeted. That's not how life works,"

"Well, I would argue that it has worked for me in the past. So why fix what's not broken?"

"Because you never listen or learn-"

"But I was thinking about a way to solve our little Edward problem," Lucifer interrupted her. "I'll seek out his motive. That’s what the Detective would do,"

"We can work with that plan," Linda spoke carefully. "But I need you to understand that you might be wrong,"

"Why? Is not starting with motive a good idea? Oh, yes, I know exactly what you mean!

“You do?” Linda eyed him with surprise.

“I'll ask around first,"

"Okay, that's a good step back."

"His friend that was at the station, Mr. Urine," Lucifer got to his feet. “He’ll be my person on interest. They claimed they knew each other as children which is entirely impossible because humans are completely incapable of keeping relationships that long. He must be also sent by my father.”

"I'm entirely sure that isn't his name," Linda commented. “And that’s not true at all. So you’re assuming that this man is also out to get you because he’s a childhood friend of Edward’s?”

"That does seem like a bit of a stretch, but he must know a few thing that could help me," Lucifer adjusted his clothes. "Thank you, Linda. I'll let you know what I find!"

"Lucifer! I didn’t tell you to go after anyone," She pointlessly called after him. "Lucifer, at least don't harass anyone! Lucifer, why don't do I even bother with you anymore?"

Lucifer soon found himself at the station sitting in front of Chloe's laptop typing aimlessly through the internet. He cannot for the life of him remember that damn lawyer's actual name, no matter how much he typed his description ' dark blond rude presumably Jewish man goes by urine' into google. 

He didn't want to ask the detective in order to avoid suspicion, and Lucifer refused to ask Dan for anything in case he started to feel important around the precinct. Asking Edward wasn't an option but Ella? She was there. 

Lucifer knocked twice at Ella's lab door, "May I?"

"Of course!" Ella rushed at him, wrapping him in a hug. 

"Miss Lopez," he pulled away. "You wouldn't by any chance know the name of the lawyer who was here yesterday, now do you?"

"Stanley Uris, I believe Eddie said," She replied. "Want me to ask him? We've gotten pretty close,"

"No, the less he knows the better." Lucifer smiled and walked away.

"What do you mean?" Ella asked after him.

"You'll see," Lucifer couldn't help but laugh.

Again behind Chloe's laptop, he typed in 'Stanley Uris' and watched as the search result began to pile in. Lucifer didn't have to search long to find Mr. Stanley Uris' online social media accounts. From what Lucifer gathered from Instagram, Stanley had a very pregnant wife a son around young Beatrice's age, who also happened to go to her school.

"I can start there. This was easy," the Devil looked at his findings with pride. "At any rate I should be named Detective Lucifer Morningstar,"

"What are you doing on Chloe's laptop?" Dan's all too irritating voice came from above him.

"I'll have you know I'm doing crucial research," Lucifer replied. 

"On what?"

"Oh," Lucifer shook his finger. "Top secret I'm afraid. No one other than I must look at this information."

"Says who?"

"Me, of course," Lucifer shut the laptop and stood. "Glad to end this conversation here, Douche,"

"You know what?" Dan threw his hands up with defeat and backed away. "I don't care,"

Lucifer checked the time on his phone, it was nearly noon. He needed to get to the school fast. He turned in the direction of the station's exit and slowly sauntered towards it careful of Chloe not to see him with her computer. He cautiously slipped out and headed to his car. The school wasn’t too far from the station so he could be back with no problem.

Lucifer took a few long strides into the school's main office right up to the secretary's desk, "Hello, darling,"

The young man looked up, "How can I help you?"

"I would like to acquire a guest pass,"

"That's not how this works," man replied.

"Oh, where is my head these days." Lucifer laughed pulling out a rolled-up stack of money and pulled out two hundred. 

The man only stared at him, dumbfounded.

"More? You strike a good bargain," Lucifer pulled out three more hundred dollars. 

"Dude, I can lose my job," the man whispered. 

"Tell me," Lucifer looked down at the name on the desk. "Tell me, Ryan, what do you truly desire?"

"I, I, I want to turn back time and stop myself from pursuing a degree in early childhood education."

"Sorry, there are somethings even the Devil can't fix," Lucifer looked down at Ryan. “But who’s to say you can’t? This is Los Angeles, this is where dreams come true. Go after yours,”

“I don’t know what I’ll do or where I’ll go…”

“You do, Ryan, you do know. You do know because you’re right here thinking about where you’d rather be anywhere else doing anything else. I was right where you were, and now look at me,”

“You’re at an elementary school asking for a guest pass?”

“No, I work with the police and run a successful nightclub,”

“Maybe I should leave.”

“You should! Life is out there go get it,”

“I will!” Ryan stood abruptly.

“Not after you give me a pass and tell me where I can find Immanuel Uris. For police reasons,”

With the guest pass plastered to his blouse, absolutely ruining the silk, t didn’t Lucifer long to locate the cafeteria where he was told Stanley’s child was to be. Lucifer looked at the picture on his phone trying to match it to the hundreds of small goblin like faces in the all too small space. He finally spotted the child by the large window surrounded by two other snot eating creatures. Lucifer walked over to the table and ushered the other two away by offering them hundred dollars each.

Lucifer looked down at the boy, "Hello, Immanuel,"

The kid's piercing blue eyes just stared at him, unimpressed. 

"You aren't going to show your elders some respect by relying?"

The stare was unchanged. 

"My name is Lucifer Morningstar,”

The kid remained silent, eyes still fixed on Lucifer’s.

"I know your father," Lucifer tried again. "Stanley Uris,"

"How do you know my dad?" Immanuel eyed him suspiciously. 

"I work with the police," Lucifer grinned at the small accomplishment of getting the stubborn child speaking. "And your dad works with criminals by defending them,"

"He doesn't defend criminals," the boy argued.

"Yes, he does. We almost arrested a criminal yesterday, but your dad stopped us." Lucifer asked him. “But that’s not your fault, none of us has control over who are fathers are,”

"My Uncle Richie says the police can't be trusted,"

"You can trust me," Lucifer assured the kid. 

"I don't know you,"

"We'll agree to disagree; now would you like to help me on unofficial police business?" Lucifer clapped his hands together. 

"Why are you asking me for help? I'm just a kid,"

"Children are so small and weak, and really unintelligent. So you'll be able to help me without any raising suspicion.

“What do you want me to do?”

“I need you to tell me a few things about your dad… Like his relationship with Edward,”

“Uncle Eddie?”

“Yes, short and angry. Has a mouth on him,”

“Uncle Eddie and my dad are friends,” Immanuel told him. “They have been for a long time, too. With Uncle Richie too. Since they were little,”

“Who is this Richie?”

“Uncle Richie is funny and very tall.”

“What does your Uncle Richie do for work?” Lucifer

“He’s funny,” Immanuel repeated. “He’s really good at being funny people pay to see him.

“How long have you known Edward, I mean, your Uncle Eddie?”

“A long time,”

“Uncle Richie?”

“A long time, too.”

“Do they ever talk working with a place called the Silver City? Or anything Heaven-ish related?”

“No. They do keep talking about something weird…”

“Do tell,” Lucifer encouraged him.

“They don’t say anything but they’re saying something, I don’t ever know,”

“I do hate when mortals do that,” Lucifer nodded along. “Just say what you mean!”

“It’s like a super secret,”

“Interesting,” Lucifer hummed. “I’m done here. Your assistance will not be forgotten,”

“Wait, why are you asking about my Dad, Uncle Eddie, and Uncle Richie?”

“Don’t worry your little mop of curls,” Lucifer said dismissively. “This is a situation that will be soon properly dealt with,”

“I-“

“Now, you are not to tell anyone I spoke to you,” Lucifer told Immanuel, not caring to hear what else he had to say. “We do not want to jeopardize police business, do we?”

“No?”

“Good small human,” Lucifer patted his head. “Maybe you aren’t as dull as I believed you to be. Be on your best behavior. Don’t turn into those criminals your father defends,”

Lucifer sat behind the wheel of his convertible and started up his car. His phoned buzzed, it was the detective.

**Detective🕵🏼♀️**🚓: Where are you?

**Lucifer**😈🔥: had a small errand

**Detective🕵🏼♀️**🚓: meet at my house in 30. 

**Lucifer****😈🔥**: oh detective.. whatever for 😏👀💏

**Detective🕵🏼♀️**🚓: 30 minutes.. dont be late

Lucifer arrived at Chloe’s house, laptop in hand, and found her waiting for him in the kitchen, “Hello, love,”

“Lucifer,” she acknowledged his presence. “Are you going to tell me what you were doing with my laptop and where you were?”

“Looking for anything to indicate my father’s interference in sending Edward to LA,” Lucifer wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her temple.

“Eddie is a good person,”

“If he were good, he’d help you with the Stalin case,”

“Lucifer,” she narrowed her eyes. “

“You know I’m right,”

“Lucifer, I overstepped by asking that of him,” Chloe sighed. “Plus, he’s right. There are procedures. I should apologize to him whenever I see him next,”

“Or,” Lucifer suggested. “We try to orchestrate a meeting between both parties, that you get what you want while I get a step closer to proving they are more than they seem,”

“I really hate that I want to agree to this,” Chloe untangled herself from him. “I think I should call Mr. Uris,”

“It’s a grand plan, Chloe,” Lucifer called out after her.

Lucifer heard the television in the other room and walked over to turn it off because he knows how angry the detective gets when it gets left on unattended. On the television the familiar face of the man, Richie Tozier, Ella and Dan the douche were watching. Lucifer found himself not able to look away. 

"What’s up Comedy Central! " Richie Tozier shouted into the microphone. The crowd went wild, almost as wild as the crowds Lucifer attracted at LUX. "I’m Richie Tozier and I’m an actual celebrity. Shocking, I know. Who let this homeless looking motherfucker into Hollywood and let him stay? There are great perks that comes with my celebrity status. No, I don’t mean the all the usual materialistic items or getting away with sexual charges in court. I mean the ability to google yourself."

Lucifer laughed at that bit, he can appreciate the comedic timing. 

"I don't think guys understand how great it is to google yourself," Richie Tozier laughed into the mic. "I'll be laying in my bed and wondering 'hmmm I wonder what I'm up to' and google search news about myself. It’s so crazy what people try to write about me these days since my lifestyle has muted down immensely. There dozens of articles that are still trying to paint me as a recovering drug addict!"

The audience laughed at that bit. 

"And I’m like ‘great now I have to act like a recovering drug addict next time I’m in public to keep up with appearances.’ Then I'll act like a recovering addict, which will result into another story being written about me. It's like a never-ending cycle of torment. It's insane to think about how many people wish I was on crack just so they can write about it. Like I wish they can write better things about me like, 'Richie Tozier is the comedian with the biggest dick' followed by 'pictures to prove it.' That’ll really hike up my sales."

The audience laughed hysterically. 

"You laugh now by we all know you’ll be clicking on those articles for a good peak of the goods. So, yeah, I was googling myself about three days ago. After I typed in my name, you know the one R-I-C-H-I-E space bar T-O-Z-I-E-R, Google suggested Richie Tozier net worth. So naturally, I tapped on it because who wouldn’t be curious to know how much their entire career is worth according to _Forbes_? Maybe you guys googled this and already know, maybe some of you don't give a shit. But imagine my surprise when Google told me I was worth FORTY million dollars." Tozier was pacing the stage now. "Maybe you didn’t hear me, Comedy Central... I'M WORTH FORTY MILLION DOLLARS! FOUR ZERO MILLION SMACK-AH-ROOS! Where is my money? Which one of you fuckers took it? It was probably." The last question was directed at the backstage workers. “Coming to think of it, it was probably Eds…”

Richie walked over to the edge of the stage and sat, "You want to know what’s really fucking with me? Fucking tax season is right around the corner! How am I supposed to convince the government I never seen a penny from that forty million dollars that I’m supposed to have I’ll be in jail for tax fraud in no time! Maybe then the news articles could write about me owning a drug ring and I got caught by lying on my taxes. I’ll go down in history Al Capone style. It’s been great, Comedy Central, have a great night!"

The audience applauded as Tozier exited the stage, then the program came to an end. Something in Lucifer’s mind was stirring. The name ‘Eds’ was said in the video he watched in Ella’s lab. Why did it bother him so much? Suddenly, the conversation he had with little Immanuel Uris jumped out at Lucifer. He said his Uncle Richie was paid to be funny. Then, Lucifer’s mind went further back and remembered that on Edward’s desk sat a photo of himself, a man, and a dog. A man who was clearly Tozier. Furthering his train of thought, the video Lucifer laughed at in Ella’s lap was of Tozier complaining of his boyfriend Ed’s dog…….

“Oh my Dad,” Lucifer said aloud. “Eds is Edward,”

Lucifer didn’t know what use this information could offer, but at least it’s another step in the right direction

And that Lucifer really should be given the title of detective because he's even surprising himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really starting to hate the title of this work and I want to change it. 
> 
> Any suggestions? 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Richie Tozier: Method Actor Extraordinaire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally deleted this chapter and had to rewrite it 😭😭😭😭 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!

Richie sat anxiously in Stan’s kitchen, awaiting a call from his manager. He auditioned a few weeks ago for a huge blockbuster movie, and really wanted to get the part.

“Can you fucking stop bouncing your leg, Rich? I’m trying to work,” Stan’s eyes snapped up from his laptop.

“Fuck you,” Richie rolled his eyes. “I should’ve gone to Ben for emotional and moral support,”

Stan sighed, “When’s the phone call coming in anyways? It’s been almost an hour since you received that text from your manager saying he was gunna call you in five minutes,”

“Ugh,” Richie groaned obnoxiously. “Distract me. Tell about whatever you’re writing about,”

“Can’t tell you much because of attorney client privileges, but there’s been a false accusation towards someone I represent,” his childhood friend continued to type away at his laptop. “I have a meeting with the police in an hour to go over this all over again, so I’m writing it down so they can refer to it instead of continuing to waste my time,”

"Stan the Savage," he grinned. "Tell those cops who's boss-" Richie's phone rang, cutting hims off mid sentence. He reached for it and saw that it was his manager calling. He couldn't accept the call faster. "Stevie! Tell me I got it,"

"You got it, Rich! You're starring alongside Kate McKinnon in the upcoming summer of 2020 untitled buddy cop movie. I just wanted to share the good news before I went on to discuss shooting schedules with the director. I'll call you later tonight,"

"Thanks, Steve, talk to you later," Richie ended the call.

"So?" Stan raised an eyebrow at his friend. 

“I got the fucking part!” Richie was fucking ecstatic. "Holy fucking shit!" 

“Congratulations, man,” Stan pulled him in for a quick hug.

He couldn’t fucking believe he has a role in an actual Hollywood movie with an actual budget and he’ll be able to go on an actual press junket. 

It is a cliché buddy cop movie, but it was a movie nonetheless!

"Maybe when you're away shooting we can actually have some peace and quiet," Stan joked. 

"Ha ha ha, Stan, you love me," Richie pressed a sloppy kiss to Stan's cheek. "Admit it,"

"Fuck off," the other man shoved him away, a small smile forming on his face. "It's almost time for me to pick up Immanuel and go to the police statio-"

"Take me with you," Richie interjected. "To the police meeting,"

"Why would I do that?" Stan cocked a hand on his hip, giving Richie sudden Maggie Tozier vibes. "You hate the police,"

"Only because they keep arresting me!" Richie answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

"You deserve every last one of those arrests and you know it," 

"I'm going to be playing a cop," Richie tried. "I need to be in that environment so I can play the part realistically."

"So what? You're a method actor now?" Stan looked at him, unimpressed. "Let’s see how you arrest yourself," 

"If it worked for Marlon Brando, it can work for me," Richie defended. 

"Never compare your sorry ass to Brando," Stan replied scoff. 

"Fucking hell," Richie laughed. "You must be the last Brando stan left, Staniella,"

"Last Brando what now? You know what? I don't care, let's go I don't want my kid waiting for me by himself,"

The drive was quick and Stan went inside to pick up his son from his classroom, leaving Richie in the car. The last time Richie offered to pick up Immanuel, he quickly discovered a lot of kids love to secretly watch his comedy specials and have every adult joke memorized word for word. He also discovered a lot of parents don't like the fact that their kids are repeating dick jokes in a public school setting. 

With boredom and his ADHD kicking in, Richie took the opportunity of being alone in Stan’s car to snoop through it. He opened the glove compartment, and there sat a pair of shades that were decorated with small rinse tones and an old Stanford University baseball cap. Richie didn’t hesitate to put them on his head and face, over his actual glasses because he still needed to see, and sent a pic to Beverly.  
  


**dickard**: [selfie] im a movie star now don’t talk to me 

**bevv: **you got the part????

**dickard**: yup 🥵🙈👅💦 

**bevv: **CONGRATULATIONS 🥳🥳🥳

**bevv:** weird usage of thirty emojis tho

**dickard: **im thirsty for this stardom 😤😋🤪  
  


Richie looked up from his phone and Stan was opening the side door letting little Immanuel in, "Hey, Uncle Richie!" 

"Manny!" Richie replied happily. "How’s my favorite eight year old?" 

"Good,” the boy replied as he carefully put his seatbelt on. Ever his father’s child. 

"Why the fuck are you wearing that baseball cap with Patty's designer shades?" Stan questioned as he settled behind the wheel. 

"Bad word," Manny quipped. 

"Don’t tell your mom," Stan smiled at his son through the rear view mirror. 

"I'm fu- uh, fricking telling you, Stanley! I'm a movie star now," Richie shoved his hands into his pockets. "I don't need unwanted attention,"

"You’re so full of bullshirt, Rich," Stan hissed. 

"Fine, I like them. They complete my look," Richie threw his hands up with exaggerated defeat. "Ya happy now?"

"I think you look good," Manny commented from behind him. 

"Thank you, Manny," Richie dramatically clutched onto his chest. "Sometimes I feel like you’re the only one who loves me," 

"Uncle Eddie loves you," Manny reminded him pointedly and the car ride back to Stan’s house began.

Richie listened as Stan asked his son about his day and jumped in every few questions to ask for more specific details; the color of a pencil he was using, the book he was reading, or what the weather looked like outside the window from his desk. Those questions always made the kid smile. Richie loved Manny because he reminds him so much about what gravitated him to Stan when they were younger. 

Stan pulled into his driveway and walked his Immanuel to the front door. Patty, who probably arrived from work soon after they left, greeted them at the door. A familiar feeling welled in Richie’s chest; jealousy. He loved Stan, Patty, Manny, and their soon to be second child. But there will always be a slight jealousy in which how easily they managed to build a family together. Richie watched as Stan kissed her cheek and walked back to the car. 

Stan settled, once again, behind the wheel. "Patty sends her regards. Did you tell Eddie we’re coming?" 

"Nope, I’m going to surprise him," 

"There’s no way that will end well for either one of us," 

"I know," Richie smirked at the thought of Eddie’s inevitable deep frown. 

They arrived at the station, and Richie trailed behind Stan. His friend stood at the receptionist’s desk, "I’m here for Detective Decker. My name is Stanley Uris,"

"Oh, there she is," the receptionist pointed over to a short blonde woman. "Chloe! Mr. Uris is here!" 

Chloe started walking over to them, she had a tall man of her own to trail behind her. 

"Mr. Uris, I'm so glad you agreed to meet with me," Chloe spoke up, extending her hand to both of them. "This is Lucifer Morningstar. He’s my partner and will be joining us today." 

"We meet again," Lucifer Morningstar’s smile was all teeth as he towered over an unbothered Stan. "How’s our criminal defense attorney doing, hmm? You let any other evil doers of the hook?"

Richie had to do a double take because fuck that man was exactly how Eddie described him; tall, arrogant, and lacked multiple brain to mouth filters.

"We didn’t come all this way for such slander," Richie spoke up, stepping in front of Stan to eye Lucifer, because despite who this guy might think he is... Richie met worse. "Madam, tighten the leash you have on this man,"

"Pardon, you-" 

"Does he have to be here for this?" Stan directed at the blonde detective, cutting Lucifer off. "He isn't a detective,"

"No, I'm not. I'm a consultant for the LAPD," the man smiled with pride. 

"Is that even a real job?" Richie wondered loudly. 

"Consultant, huh? Can I see his employment records? I don't want break any attorney client privileges to anybody outside the law," Stan directed at Chloe, still refusing to speak directly to the strange man. 

"Don't be ridiculous," Lucifer laughed. "Those aren't necessary because I'm not on the payroll. I offer my services for free,"

"Okay, I'm not expert but I'm pretty sure that's illegal," Richie commented.

"Not necessarily," Stan answered. 

"Who might you be, hmmm? You aren't dressed very lawyer like to be anyone of import or use." Lucifer looked over to Richie. 

Richie knew that was supposed to be a jab at his wardrobe choice was supposed to hurt, but considering that he's wearing tattered jeans with a matching old t-shirt paired with an old baseball cap and Patty's round designer shades that he found in Stan's car by choice he couldn't really be upset. "I'm here for the moral support."

"Considering Mr. Uris here lacks morals," Lucifer gestured at Stan. "You can see yourself out,"

"Lucifer," Chloe warned. "Behave yourself," 

"The fuck you mean by that? Stan has the best motherfucking morals," Richie looked at Chloe. "I’m begging you tighten his leash,"

"Richie, ignore him. We’re not here for my benefit. We’re here for their benefit," Stan turned to Chloe. "I’m here on borrowed time, let’s not waste it on your partner disrespecting me and my friend," 

"You’re right, I’m sorry, let’s get this started," Chloe opened an interrogation room. "But sorry, you can’t be present,"

"Wait, why not?" Richie protested. 

"This is official police business,"

"Leonardo here isn’t even police!" He pointed accusingly at Lucifer. 

"It’s Lucifer not Leonardo, you heathen," the man corrected, the offense dripping in his tone. "I’ve worked by the Detective’s side long enough to earn my place at this meeting. 

"Richie, you can’t be in the room," Stan whispered into his friend’s ear. "It’s ethically wrong,"

"I’ll sign an NDA, let me stay," Richie pouted, it works like a charm when Manny does it. 

"No, go and bother the police officers doing paperwork," Stan was practically shoving him out of the interrogation room. "Think of that big movie of yours and do some research. Go method act as a stapler or a very quiet fly on the wall," 

"But this is cool!" Richie whined, fighting against the other man’s force. "I can be your backup stapler," 

"I didn’t bring one," 

"More reason for me to stay," 

"Rich-"

"Okay, what about the fly? Can I be the quiet fly on the wall?" 

"Just. Get. Out." With one final shove Richie was fully out the door which immediately locked after him. 

Richie returned to the receptionist and asked for directions to Eddie's office, and turned the corner in the direction she pointed him in. He was immediately met with a dark wooden door with a small plastic slate that read 'E. Kaspbrak.' 

"Knock knock, babe," Richie said, allowing himself in. 

"Richie? What the fuck are you doing here?" Eddie shot in response. 

"Aw, babe, it is a a wonderful surprise to see me here," Richie grinned. 

"Answer me, Richard," Eddie crossed his arms over his chest. 

"Relax, I’m here with Stan the Man. He has a meeting with short blonde detective and tall British devil," Richie crossed the space between them and stood behind Eddie letting his arms hang around his neck. 

"Chloe and Lucifer," Eddie corrected, turning to face him looking up. "They're still bothering him? Poor Stan."

"Fuck Stan, that asshole kicked me out of the the interrogation room!" Richie rolled his eyes. "I wanted to see shit go down!"

"Hey, Rich?"

"Yeah, Eddie?" 

"Why are you wearing Patty’s shades over your glasses?"

"I liked them," Richie shrugged.

"They do look good on you," Eddie laughed. 

"You know, you’re the second person to say that," Richie cupped his face and pressed a kiss to Eddie lips. "I got the call from Steve... Eddie, I got the part! I'm going to be a movie cop!”

"I fucking said you would!" Eddie cheered, jumping up to his feet. "We should celebrate after I get out of here," 

"What do you have in mind, Mr. Kaspbrak?" Richie wiggled his brows. 

"Take these off so I can see you properly, dumbass," Eddie pulled the shades off his boyfriend’s face and straightened his glasses. "That’s better," 

"Hey, Eddie! It’s lunchtime!" A feminine voice shouted as it entered the room. It was a girl in her early to mid thirties. "Holy shit, dude! You're Richie Tozier!"

"Who? I never heard of him," Richie said, pathetically putting on Patty’s shades back on to hide his face. 

"No, dude, you totally are!" The girl jumped happily. 

"Nooooooo," Richie took a step back. "I’m Ricardo-"

"Really? You’re going with Ricardo?" Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ella already saw you, Rich. Give up," 

"You’re no fun, Eds," Richie took of the shades and tucked them into his pocket. 

"Eds? Oh my God," Ella’s eyes lit up. "Eddie you’re Eds? His boyfriend from the comedy specials? This is so awesome!" Ella gasped. "Why didn’t you tell me you’re dating Richie Tozier?!" 

"I knew people would piece one and one together," Eddie sighed painfully. "That nickname is so dumb," 

"You love it," Richie argued. 

"Wait until Dan finds out! He's gunna flip!" Ella was visibly vibrating with excitement. 

"Dan finds out what?" Dan's head pops into the room. "Motherfucker! It's Richie Tozier! Ella, it's Richie Tozier!"

"I see him too! I see him too!" 

Dan was now fully emerged into Eddie's office space, "Nice to meet you Richie Tozier, I'm detective Dan Espinoza. I mean it's just Dan. You don’t have to call me detective or anything,"

"Detective you say?" Richie smirked. 

"What are you thinking, Rich?" Eddie questioned him.

"Dan, I have a really huge movie role coming up and I think it'll be good for me if I shadow the life of a detective as character research," Richie told Dan, ignoring Eddie’s death glare. "What do you say? Can that detective be you?" 

"I, I, I, uh, I-" Dan stammered. 

"Yes! He says yes!" Ella answered for him. "You can shadow him for your method acting thing,"

"Yes, yes I'd be honored," Dan nodded eagarly. 

"No, you are not coming into my job to play detective as research for a role," Eddie huffed. "No."

"But, babe, it'll be fun! We’ll be co-workers and can have one of those office romances." Richie winked at him. "Plus, if they allow Lousy Morningbreath to play cops and robbers why can't I?"

"Lousy Morningbreath?" Ella asked at the same time as Dan asked, "Babe?"

"He’s taking about Lucifer," Eddie translated for Ella. Then turned his attention to Dan, "and Richie is my boyfriend. I hope that wouldn't a problem,"

"Dude, what? No, it isn't," Dan said defensively. "And Richie Tozier is right, Lucifer has been nosing his way through police business for years now."

"Why?" Eddie asked. "Why is he allowed to be here 24/7?" 

"I don't even know anymore," Dan shrugged. 

"C'mon, Lucifer isn't bad," Ella told them. "He's a fun guy and totally into method acting, too. He never broke his devil character since I met him. He's so dedicated to it he legally changed his name, or that’s what I believe because no one would name their kid after the devil even if he was an angel once." 

"What's another method actor? I’ll talk to our Captain. I’ll put in a good word for you," Dan said. "Everything will go swimmingly with the Captain because Richie Tozier isn't just some British guy who smokes police evidence at the crime scene-"

"Yeah, Richie Tozier won't touch the dead bodies, tamper with a crime scene, or play with the murder weapon. We'll vouch for you," Ella added.

"Guys, if we're working together I'm just Richie," Richie said. "Did Luigi really smoke evidence and did all that stuff?"

"Multiple times," Ella and Dan replied in unison.

"Holy fuck that man knows how to live," Richie breathed out with slight disbelief. "I kind of hate-admire him for it," 

"Don't think you're going to start doing that shit," Eddie hissed. "I'll kick you the fuck out of the house,"

"I’ll go speak with the Captain. I’m sure he’ll agree," Dan rushed of the room. 

"Shush, Eddie Spaghetti, this is going to be great! I feel it on my old weary police officer bones," 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!!!


	5. Maze to the Rescue|Chloe’s Never Ending Patience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hands you a very late update* pls don’t hate me

Typically, Maze ignored Lucifer’s claims of danger since he’s almost just paranoid. But he told her something that bothered her more than she cared to admit; a man was immune to his presence just as Chloe is. Maze broke this whole situation down into two possibilities; this guy is an angel or was blessed by one. Either one he could be dangerous.

The demon didn’t really like either one of those odds, and decided for herself to stop by the precinct and put an end to all of this messy drama. Her life was just getting better and she doesn’t need an angel, directly or indirectly, throwing it all to Hell. Both literally and figuratively. 

Maze knew well enough she couldn’t just walk into the precinct without tipping Chloe off. So she organized a small plan to keep the detective unassuming of her whereabouts. She’ll request to take Trixie off of her and Dan’s hands. Of course she’ll wait awhile until after the little girl is picked up, so she can have a reason to be at the station. 

To pass the time, Maze armed up with her favorite demon blades, and a garrote that was gifted to her by Lucifer. Pulling out her phone, she texted Chloe.

**To**: Decker

I can take Trixie for the afternoon  
I know you and Dan are busy with that case   
  


The reply arrived almost immediately. 

**From**: Decker 

The case?   
Lucifer told you about it? 

I keep telling him not to tell people about official police work..

Thank you so much  
She’ll be at the station soon. 

**To**: Decker  
Ill be there

Finally, it was time to put this plan in motion. She grabbed her helmet and got onto her motorcycle. Maze didn’t really have a fully formed plan, but she wasn’t worried. She heard Lucifer go on about this guy for hours, and he didn’t strike Maze as someone to look out for. If Lucifer’s description of "small man big rage” was anything to go by, this guy was probably just talk. 

However, so are all angels.... Maze didn’t allows that small sliver of worry consume her. She needed to toughen up. Maze left her motorcycle at the entrance and pulled off her helmet. She spotted Dan’s car and took it as the signal to proceed. They must’ve just arrived since Dan and Trixie were the first two people she spotted. 

"Espinoza!” She called out to the man. 

"Maze!" Trixie abandoned her dad’s hand and ran out to wrap her arms around Maze. 

"Hey, Maze," Dan greeted. "Lucifer is in the interrogation room-"

"I’m not here for Lucifer," she resisted rolling eyes for Trixie’s sake. "I’m taking Trixie for the day," 

"Yaaaaaaay!" Trixie jumped up and down. 

”Chloe already knows," she informed him. "I’ll have her back at your place by bedtime,” 

"Thanks! You’re the best!" Dan smiled. "Hey, by any chance do you know Richie Tozier?" 

"I do!" Trixie raised her hand adorably. 

"I know you do, sweetie, we spoke about him in the car ride here," 

"No, I don’t know him. Should I? Is he a threat?" Maze offered a predatory smile. ”Did he threaten Trixie? Do you need him taken care of? Is he that kid who eats his boogers?"

"Ew, no! That's Chuck and yes you do know him, Maze," Trixie corrected her. "He’s the funny guy we watch on TV at night," 

"Maze, you allowed my daughter to watch an age inappropriate comedian?" 

"Oh, him," her excitement simmered. "Well, I guess I know him. Why?"

"You let Trixie watch? Under your supervision?"

"Get over yourself, Dan,"

"Get over myself? I'm her father!"

"So, what about Tozier?" Maze asked, abruptly changing the topic.

"Well, he’s here," Dan said in a low voice. 

"He is? You didn’t tell me that! Can I meet him daddy? Can I please meet him?" Trixie pleaded. 

"We’ll make it quick,” Dan held his daughter’s hand and Maze followed the two. 

Dan lead them to the room next to Ella’s lab. He knocked one and they walked in. Maze could practically feel the young girl’s energy buzzing through the air. 

Maze followed her eye-line straight to the tall guy in the ugliest clothes she’s ever seen who was in fact Trixie’s funny guy from TV. 

"Mr. Tozier," Dan cleared his throat. “My daughter Trixie really wanted to meet you," 

Maze watched as Tozier’s eyes widened with surprise. “This little lady wanted to meet me? To what do I owe this pleasure?" 

"Hi," Trixie waved shyly. "Your netflix special is really funny,"

Tozier knelt before her, "Aren't you a little too young to be watching my stuff?"

"She is," Dan eyed her playfully. 

"I'm old enough," Trixie assured the both of them. "Plus I only like the jokes about your dog and how much you love your boyfriend... Is that him?"

"Yeah, that's him," the comedian nodded looking over to the shorter man behind him with fondness in his eyes. It made Maze want to gag. 

Trixie leaned in and stage whispered, "He's really cute,"

"I know," Tozier replied at the same volume. "I'm really lucky,"

Tozier's boyfriend playfully shoved him.

"Do have anything you wanna ask me, Trixie?" Tozier smiled patiently. "I'm filled with the infinite wisdom I've collected over the years,"

"Yeah, what's a bee jay?" Trixie asked innocently.

Maze didn't even see that coming, she broke into laughter. Mostly at Dan's priceless reaction.

"That's enough for today, Trixie," Dan cut in. "Say goodbye to Mr. Tozier,"

"Already?" the little girl pouted.

"You're spending the day with Maze, remember?"

"Can I at least get a selfie?" 

"Of course," Tozier smiled.

"Dad, give me your phone," Trixie held out an awaiting hand.

She took a few pictures with Richie, and Maze knew Trixie was going through each filter like she usually did when they took pictures together. She also took a few with both Tozier and his boyfriend. 

"Alright, Trixie, say goodbye," Dan prompted.

"Bye," Trixie quickly hugged her favorite celebrity. "I hope I get see you again,"

"Bye," he smiled back. "You might, I'll be working really closely with your dad real soon,"

"That’s so cool!" Trixie waved then ran up to Maze, dragging her out of the room in a quest for pizza. Maze tried catching a better glimpse at Tozier's boyfriend because something about him was off, In fact, something about both of the men was off, but Maze was already down the hall before she knew it.

On their way out of the station, Maze caught a glimpse of Chloe and Lucifer in an interrogation room with a man. Suddenly Maze had an idea, she needed to talk to Lucifer about her angel theory and discuss a game plan before she is left as Trixie's protector for the rest of the day. 

"Hey, Trixie? Do you wanna sit behind a two-way mirror?"

"Yeah!"

They managed to get behind the two way mirror without notice. Maze quickly turns to the scene unfolding in front of her.

Chloe is staring a stack of papers the man handed her, "What’s this?" 

"All you need to know regarding my client and his involvement with the death of his partner," He answered simply. Maze hated his cocky attitude, but could respect it.

"We don't know the extent of his involvement," Chloe said putting the packet down. "There's something off about this, and you know it."

"Don't assume what I know and do not know, detective Decker," the man sighed. "You keep saying that something is off about this case.. What is 'off' exactly?"

Maze really wanted to rip this guy's face off, but was secretly enjoying Lucifer's clear disdain towards him.

"I think I know this man from school," Trixie looked over to Maze.

Maze opened her mouth to reply but Chloe's voice interrupted the demon.

"I've seen a lot of these cases, Mr. Uris," Chloe spoke up. "But none of them were ever presented to me like this... Mr. Stalin's body was left untouched. Not moved or even bothered to be hidden. That indicates to me that it was caused by someone who knew him. Maybe it was an accident and the perpetrator panicked and left."

"In my experience, people usually panic and make terrible mistakes by tampering with the body not running away." 

"Does this experience involve this case?" Lucifer pressed.

"How could it when the body, as detective Decker put it, 'was left untouched?' Do you not the facts of the case you're working, Mr. Morningstar?"

Maze held back her laughter only because she didn't want to get caught. Not because of Lucifer's sake, he could use the humility.

Uris didn't wait for a reply from Lucifer, and faced Decker. "Detective, I know this is your job and you care about solving this case. But my client was, on camera, across town when it happened." 

"Mr. Uris, you keep mentioning that-"

"Because those are the facts," he cut her off. "We cannot change facts. If we could what's the whole point of having a justice system?" Uris stood. "Please refer to the handout I gave you, if you have any further questions,"

"What if we went to the other side?" Lucifer asked with a smug look, but Maze could see the desperation behind his eyes. But not his own desperation, it was for Chloe.

"The other side?" Uris raised an eyebrow.

"Lucifer, what are you on about?"

"Isn't two sides to every case? What if we go to the criminal non-supporter side? Ask them for information he isn't giving us?"

"That's a great idea," Uris smiled. "My wife is a state prosecutor at the DA's office, I'm sure she can provide with someone to help you get what you need,"

"Detective, arrest this man! He and his wife are corrupting your justice system from the inside,"

"Are we done here?" The man directed at Chloe. 

"Not yet," Lucifer leaned over the table and looked straight into Uris’s eyes. "What is it that you truly desire, Mr. Uris?"

The man blinked at Lucifer once, grabbed his briefcase, and just walked out of the investigation room. 

Maze knew what she saw, yet couldn’t process it. Another person who’s immune to Lucifer? Maze froze, she was meant to eliminate the first guy and got sidetracked. She needed to take action fast. 

She took Trixie’s hand and discreetly exited the room.

Chloe could only stare, Lucifer’s... thing failed twice. She thought for a moment that his ramblings of danger could be right.

"Detective, you have to believe me now," Lucifer whined. "Uris and Edward are sent by my father," 

“I think there might be something up with them," she agreed. "But I’m not so sure that it’s your dad," 

"Oh?"

"Why didn’t they try to attack you? Eddie’s been here and Uris was just in the room with us. No moves were made to harm you," 

“Not all harm is physical harm," Lucifer told her. "Plus they could be plotting something,"

"Let’s go see if there’s an update at Ella’s lab," she said, not wanting to further the conversation. Lucifer is never wrong about these situations and Chloe needs time to understand what Lucifer thinks is happening.

Chloe stepped out of the room and from the corner of eye saw Trixie and Maze talking to Stanley Uris.

"I do know you. My name is Trixie," Chloe could hear her daughter say. "You’re my new friend’s dad.”

"Manny has mentioned you before," 

Chloe walked over, "Trixie, you’re still here?"

"Maze and I were-"

"We met her favorite comedian, you know the one. Tall, weird, and looks homeless," Maze interjected. 

"Yeah! He’s Daddy’s friend now," 

"Monkey, you have a favorite comedian?" 

"Yeah, Richie Tozier!" 

“Shit," Uris hissed, mostly to himself. "I completely forgot he was here. Where can I find him?" 

Trixie pointed him in the right direction. 

The man smiled at Chloe’s daughter, and walked off. 

"Mazikeen," Lucifer said with a tight smile. "You were allowing Trixie to converse with a dangerous person?"

"He reeked of humanity." Maze rolled her eyes. "Nothing I can’t handle. Tozier and his boyfriend are humans too," 

"Can we talk about this later?" Chloe’s eyes shot to Trixie, then back to Maze. 

"Fine," Maze held out her hand, and Trixie took it. 

"Bye mom. Bye Lucifer,"

"Goodbye Beatrice," Lucifer called putting after them. "Be good, Mazikeen," 

Mazikeen flipped him off from behind her back.

Chloe soon found out that Ella wasn’t in her lab and was in Eddie’s office with Dan, laughing at whatever the tall man was saying. A man who she assumes is Richie Tozier. 

"Oh look!” Tozier grinned at the sight of Lucifer. "It’s Listerine Mouthwash! Guess what, man? We’re gonna be co-workers!"

"It’s Lucifer Morningstar," Lucifer corrected the other man. "Get that through your thick skull,"

"He’s the LAPD’s problem now," Uris said rushing past them. He stopped and faced Chloe, "Good luck," 

God help her.

Or not God?

Chloe doesn’t know where she stands with God anymore, but right now it’s the least of her problems. Right now her two main problems are an unsolved murder case and in the shape of a man who is starting to make her boyfriend lose his mind, who might also be a compromise to her investigation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Richie’s next comedy special is definitely going to be about how much he drove Lucifer crazy by getting his name wrong. Every. Single. Time.


End file.
